bloody blogging. i was in the midst of typing a wonderful entry and it suddenly popped into my mind that i should save. 2 seconds later my browswer refreshed and i lost everything. MURPHY.

anyways i forgot what i was saying, probably something along the lines of being nervous about going to europe for two months - what if i get homesick? what if the weather depresses me? what if i quarrel with my travel mates? oh man so many what ifs...

but i'm still so excited! i'm going to live and breathe europe! i don't just want to travel like a tourist, i'd want to speak with the locals, not just admire their country but see things from their perspective, i'd like to live like hwo they live and everything, but maybe i'm pushing it. perhaps i'd save that for next time when ihave all the time in the world. maybe.

omg i can't wait!

love.

speaking of which, i'm in the most cringeworthy situation possible. i shall not elaborate here for fear of people reading. but omg. gross gross gross. 'disgusting' to quote one, 'bad form' to quote another. oh wells i'll let him be. i don't think i'm really affected, though i should, so much that it borders on abnormality not to be affected... well maybe its because i'm so damn busy, or i'm in denial, either way its good, i'm moving on with life and loving it.

i've realised another thing. that i'm too young to commit. too immature perhaps... and yes heaps of people have said i've scored the bachelor of the century, ok exaggerated, but 'most eligible bachelor out of all the guys we know' were the words used. but yet i shut the door in his face. damn i must be honored huh. perhaps also damn stupid. but i've convinced myself the stable guy is great, but really right now i'd like an adventure. sounds cliched but true. zw doesn't like to babysit, zw doesnt like to make phone calls every other day, pacify and reassure, and be a kind and loving partner. not a very loving person i presume... but i'd like to think myself more passionate than loving. zw likes to explore, explore things, places, activities (ok now dont let ur mind stray, it's all good clean stuff) and really the good stable husband material kind cant satisfy that now. it's like, a fire to consume life, taste every nook and cranny of what my existence on earth has to offer... well, i guess taste everything except a stable relationship. omg 7 yrs before i'm of marriagable age. or even less. that's scary. but yet i don't think i'd want to be left on the shelf either.

i'd rather be a guy.