felt such an urge to blog again, not  like anyone reads it but it's still an outlet nevertheless.

i hope he's fine, i don't think i could have hurt anyone more. i don't know why i let it go, i wouldn't say it felt 100% right, and actually i am contemplating taking back my words, if it were indeed possible. it's such a shame isn't it. another instance of taking loved ones for granted, and i don't change. i know it but i don't do anything about it, in fact i accept it and feel sorry for those who love me. i somehow think karma will get me back, and for some reason i'm not afraid, somewhat think i'm deserving of it. if it were necessary for justice in this world then i guess i'd take it. why did this all happen in the first place? because i just couldnt continue with it, but actually continuing isn't as hard as this. never really saw this coming. sure i was guilt tripped, sure i felt like i had wronged, but now i feel the same things, only to a greater degree. ouch.

it's exam time. i'd better not slip into misery. maybe i shld have chosen a better time for this. but if i had continued on i'd be frustrated that i'm holding out. and now that i've let go of something so beautiful i feel nothing but guilt, never felt such guilt before. i don't know when i'd ever stumble across soemthing as perfect as this again, even if i did, would i be able to rebuild it anything as true, would i find another who could love me so, more importantly, would he be able to love another as much? i hope he's not scarred. i hope he can love again.