stella's 21st today, it was a great party. if i had anything close to that when my 21st came along, i'd be overjoyed. i realised we're quite similar, and that's helped me learn something today... i need to care more, and overcome certain fears, not just live with them but grow out of them.

pans is always mindboggling... if things changed between the two of us, u wouldn't be the one i listen to, the one i respect and the one i admire anymore. u wouldn't be the one who pushes me to greater heights, the one who guides me along the way, the one who makes me a better person. but sometimes i wish we could just be plain, simple friends on par with each other. with nothing to hide, no facade to put up, no mind games to play... i can only wish now, and hope things sort themselves out eventually... thinking ahead, i'd really love to know what becomes of us.

oh geez u random taggers, find a better place will ya.

spent a gd 3 hrs with nathan just now... and got 20 mozzie bites in the process... but it was gd seeing a (relatively) old friend. i'm so glad he's there sometimes... i shoulder to lean on (just figuratively of course) and someone u can just spew to coz he spews to you anyway. how much effort does it take to find a friend like that? i don't think i've really found anyone like him.

everyone has their flaws yeah... but i guess at the end of the day its about accepting friends for who they are. i shall try to do that, as best as possible, no matter how annoying they can get, i guess they're gd at heart?

i was just telling nathan how to get me to go to church, just make me spend more time with annoying bitches to annoy the hell outta me and i will go to church to find peace. heh. superficial bitch huh... but ok, giving church its deserved credit, i do think they've valuable life lessons to preach. one thing i learnt was that, u cant control everything, apparently, god has planned it all out for u, and u gotta trust him so that it all works out fine.

gosh i must sound like a bloody bimbo in the previous post, a useless, bum of the earth.

thats not true ok. i have resolutions. i have made a pact with a dear friend to lose weight, and i will be handsomely rewarded. deadline's 7 weeks from today. and so the countdown begins...

i also have ambitions, i'm getting a pay rise! :D but maybe its partly due to the fact that its kinda becoming weekend work. but hey at least i was gd enough they wanted to keep me, AND raise my pay... considering they let heaps of people go in the last month.

in the mean time i'm thinking of working in a bank... isnt that kinda interesting? stll thinkin n considering though... shall decide soon.

and i'm managing my own finances! kudos to me! :)

hope this 15 lines or so is enough to balance out the 50 lines of pure bimbo-city in the previous post.

life has been going good of late! social life's kinda exciting, i'm literally makine new friends every single week, spice up my life! doing something new, getting to know new people. sometimes i wish my friends were a bit more exciting, but hey, its really about the people than the things we do.

but lets talk about the things we do anyways! last thurs we celebrated pam's bday. went for the moonlight cinema! it's so cool, literally too. it's a movie in the park amidst the grass, trees, river, and bats which occasionally dotting the night sky... movie started at 9, when the sun has almost set... we watched mad max, the show which brought mel gibson to fame, and hollywood, and took him away from oz. gosh he looked so cute in the movie, almost unrecogniseable from what he is today... got me a little worried about seeing myself in 20 yrs time... *shudder*

then we went for supper and played pool and foosball. omg i suck sooo bad at foosball, its a bit like first learning how to drive backwards... very uncoordinated. pool was pretty shit too. but i'm so glad i learnt how to play. it's been so long, i cant even remember how i learnt or what it was like the first time... i certainly don't remember myself fumbling with the queue stick and being absolutely unable to even hit the white ball, like how all the other girls seemed that day... well anyways i met around 3-5 new people that day... 3-5 coz i didnt really get to know some of them decently well.

one of them was gerald, whom i bumped into again today. its gd to know people :) but yeah what a strange surprise, coz i had this silly feeling that he would be at the club i was at, or maybe i was just thinking about him being there coz he's such a goofball-cum-asshole, the kinda guy who would go clubbing in oz. and surprise surprise he was dancing next to us. why did i see him? because he was going about being his attention-seeking self and dancing, uh, pretty smoothly... that i have to admit. just when i was getting impressed with him, he had to say 'zoe! where's ur boys!' and it was a girls nite out, so i told him i had none. oooooh that smirk on his face... felt like slapping him, so since i had seen him with a bunch of guys the entire nite, i asked him where his girls was.. ugh! i totally fell for his ploy. with a bigger smirk on his face he pointed to his table where some chicks were sitting (they werent hot but hey, at least he had chicks! where were my guys! ugggghh). gawd what a d-head of an abc. ok may i add that i just had a 151 which left me in tears for 5 whole seconds.

well apart from movies, pool, clubbing... i've also had my fair share of pancake parlor-hanging-out. we're so bored, it feels like high sch again... just playing card games and laughing our guts out and yeah... awesome. got to meet new people at the same time. abc's are complete assholes. i swear my life upon that. there was this one guy who thinks he's real hot, and dispenses advice to girls to 'wear as little as possible'. sigh. i know guys, even if u think that way, dont say it out. if u really wanna see a scantily clad girl, go visit your local whoring junction.

well anyways, they're not all that bad... one of them was pretty charming, one of those where u know u'll be comfy talking to him about things, same energy level... there's no need to be enthusiastic to keep up with a chatty mouth, no need to be enthusiastic to complement a quiet guy, ok basically i have a problem with being enthusiastic. and i think it lies with my mellow and aged self. oh. one of that bunch of people called me a dinosaur. coz i'm older than them. ARGH!

but everything makes for a good laugh... all's well at the end of the day... there's also this guy called josh... and i've fallen in love with his guitar playing. but not him. seriously. he plays it rather well, but rather pop-ish, so i guess he's lost the respect of all me neoclassical fanatics out there. but yoohoo!, he gets the chicks. trust me, he does. and it was nice to have him play at the bbq, kept the mood nice and alive. bbq was also where i got to know shaun better, i like his ambition, and his maturity... he works in a stock broking firm! i think as girls grow up, nothing would really a woman as much as a nice guy with drive and ambition. ok i'm simplifying and exaggerating things... but point is they're important, and can tickle a girl's fancy.

why are all of them guys? hey i'm not a man-izer.... i've met new girls too... like mary, ann, sally and sarah, and carol and alex and other people... but guys are obviously more interesting... these ones, even pat's been eyeing... but then again she checks out every single one of them, and she thinks every other one is cute. haha.

poker night at eugene's tmr... gosh i'm tired. now at least. ok i swear i will play properly tomorrow.... after watching casino royale my interest has been revived.

wed's badminton with the boys, i just realised i'll be the only chick. i'm quite distraught now, thinkinga bout it... there's heaps of problems with wed... think i overinvited, invited wrong people, didnt sort out gender balance, didnt consider personalities... crap...

danny the cousin's leaving on mon. sadness. slightly.

today was awesome too. but sigh. maybe i'm pms-ing again. ugh. i hate my mood swings. and argh, boy do i need to find my life back. i feel like i've lost it. i don't know what makes me me. i find the ground that i stand on so shaky, the world passing to quickly.

gawd i hate my mood swings. one moment its like heaven. next, all hell breaks loose again. 

ok now i'm feeling good. like my life's awesome, exciting, and great fun. had sooooo much fun today. think the last time i had fun was... dunno... can't remember? but not very long ago.

i went bowling! i BOWLED! lanes in aust are supppeerrr easy to bowl on. i only had 3 open frames wiithout even trying. i dropped by the alley yesterday just to have a look and boy was i so badly tempted to bowl. my fingers literally itched for the touch of a ball. so i decided to go today. and i wanted to drag like 3 friends along. turned out 10 ppl came. speak of maluating. aussies arent exactly anywhere near in tune with bowling, in general. to quote esther: 'dude you have your own ball? dude do they actually sell those things!?'

thats the only thing i thrashed anyone in. everything else i got thrashed. actually, i guess only air hockey. n sorta pool, but i was playing with a guy, come on. and he lost, he hit the white ball in when he was supposed to hit the black. and he did it 3 times over. brilliant. he lost 3 times in a row. reminds me of foofoo. and he owes me drinks still. tsk.tsk. haha sorry foo-ey, if u read.

then we bummed at pp til late, played card games n laughed so hard, we sure had the whole world hate us.

got yum cha n poker nite tmr! can't wait! i hope n pray n wish someone's invited. but i don't think he is. haha just eye candy. nothing serious.

life's gd. i'm still amused at my poetry last nite. how brilliant can a pmsing mind be.

i've standards for myself. which i currently don't meet. i know i should strive for more, but i'm dead beat. my attitude sucks, and it drives me nuts. i tell myself to change, its working my brain, but i think all thats happening is i'm going pretty insane. there's so much before me, which i think i should seize, so much to do, so many people to please. if i make the most of it, i'll come out great, it'll be a challenge, but it wont be a mistake. at times i find myself paralysed, not grabbing what i can, not stepping out of my shell, not following my plans. i believe i need strength, but i can't find a source. i believe i should look within myself, though many a christian dont. don't worry my friends, i'll find my way, just give me some time, give me some space, maybe some support, and it'll all work out some day.

have i mentioned how much i love my work? yeah i think i have... though i was kinda bored today, xmas season's just real quiet, it was kinda good coz then i've time to talk to colleagues n stuff. but to be honest, it's not all that comfortable talking to them... after all i'm still the 'new girl' who's new to all the faces, the facts, the gossip, the politics, everything. a little hard sometimes. i try to mind my own business most of the time, but yet there's a balance that needs to be struck between being withdrawn and being a busy body.

as 2006 draws to a close... and i feast once again upon trashy mtv... a stupid laguna beach marathon was playing and ugh, trashy it was. but i watched anyway. just wondering to myself how much i've soaked in life here, how much i've changed, or adapted, however you wanna put it. i think its been good, finding a whole new group of friends, a whole new way of life. house parties, dinners, poker nights, slumber parties... as opposed to... i forgot what i used to do. perhaps movies, dinners and shopping? yeah... havent been shopping that much. but wait. can't say that again, just did my accounts for the month n i doubled my usual expenditure because of clothes. damn the boxing day sales.

oh well back to the point. what more does laguna beach have apart from hot babes, hunks and puppy love. well i guess they're extremely mature for 16 yr olds, but still, they qualify as puppy love. don't think coming down under has really changed my stance on dating. haven't dated in ages. probably coz the last time i was close to dating it didnt feel right. think i'm one of those silly chicks who believe in 'the one' though i don't acknowledge it. hmm just reminded me of cleo, which was going thru the 10 biggest mistakes single girls make, of which one was the above stated. heh, i've fallen prey to those ludicrous chick mags. but yeah, maybe the new yr will bring along new experiences, maybe a new me to go along with it. i'd definitely love to have some fun, within certain moral boundaries of course... oh and have i mentioned being inspired by some of my overseas friends??? haha. happy guessing.

xmas was awesome. had dinner in chinatown on a wed night, then max brenners which totally thwarped my diet plans. then thurs was nathan's house party, not too bad, met a few new people. including this guy from singapore who thinks daryl wee is hot. o.k. and there was dinner with zhe n ryan n all that on sat night, at crown, won 5 bucks. hah. how pathetic. roger's dress up xmas party on sat, where i came as a greek goddess, or at least attempted to do so. but that night was a hugely fun night. loved every sec of it, save the first hour or so, when it was a little awkward for everyone. oh i learnt osmething about myself that night. that i am the worst female singer there is. female because i'm pretty sure one of the guys is terrible too... lol gd looking guys cant sing. hah. common consensus. someone prove me wrong ;)

nye's coming. i'm supposed to have plans but i'm not sure anymore! argh. oh no how lifeless if plans fall throuhgh! worry worry

guess what i learnt at work today?

that our call centers in india actually say " g'day mate!" to aussie customers in an indian accent.

one of my customers went from angry and dissatisfied to hysterical. thanks india, u make my work so much easier :)

so excited! though i dun really know what for, maybe for the pre xmas dinners or the xmas parties? or maybe the deco is really putting me into the mood. there's plenty of houses beautifully lit up with xmas lights, every time i drive past them i slow down to admire their lovely decorations. and i bet i'm not the only one. my office is flamboyantly decorated too... draped in tinsel and xmas trees and all sorts of weird santas, my supervisor's been bragging how its heaps better than the highly decorated Myer decorations.

speaking of work, is it just me or is it really that hard to get ur head off work? gosh i came back from work just now, dead tired as usual since i never fail to sleep late on sundays, and i fell asleep on the couch. argh i swear i had dreams about work, the names of clients and partners floating around in my head, actions and little images of the office popping up from nowhere. argh! i dread work every morning, but when it comes to evening, its not like i utterly feel like running out from the work place. and esp when fri's come, i actually dont feel like i need a weekend at all. i think i just grow to love my work, no matter what i do, for some reason. i hope this trait sticks.

i was speaking with eric today, my phone chat buddy. no i didnt pick him up from a 1300 line. he's actually someone i have to talk to on an almost hourly basis at work. so though he's in sydney and i'm in melb, we're kinda acquaintances in a sense... the boys from syd are really friendly, and a major crackup. we talk about everything under the sun, and when i spoke to eric today he was telling me about how he hasnt gotten his gf anything... and i think it struck a cord in me coz i kinda realised how i forgot to buy presents for friends. tsk tsk shame on me, so much for enjoying the spirit of xmas. but fear not, i will make up for it ;) but hey, no promises. haha